Sometimes a series of events come together in a way that lets you see a situation so clearly as to make your next move easier. Perhaps not less painful but easier all the same.
I am a big fan of Brené Brown, I have all of her books, both hard copy and audio- I am hardcore. If you don’t know Brene, she is a Grounded Theory researcher who has a focus on shame, and our stories of belonging. Her stuff is remarkable and I suggest buying the books and a pen and marking up her books with all your thoughts and feelings as you read. If for some reason you feel nothing as you read I suspect you might have “the emotional range of a teaspoon”, to quote Hermione Granger from Harry Potter.. and you might want to seek some help with that. More on Brene in a bit…..
Anyway…. So I have been struggling of late. It has been quite the year. In fact one year ago this week we said goodbye to SPOOL, we had moved through the stress of the previous months of our grandson being born prematurely and it seems as I was approaching my 50th birthday (this coming January, gifts welcome!) things were brewing to a head literally in my head and in my body. Lots of physical things, bum shoulder, Baker’s cyst, blown veins, autoimmune issues and now a cluster of what-nots in my thyroid (yeah that sucks).
But past all those things my tolerance for a lot of things has dropped to an all time low, as I am want to say ~ my give-a-fuck ~ seems to be broken. My friends who have passed over this 50 year bridge tell me that it is a fine time to see what else life holds and it seems that I am going to be doing just that.
During this BadAss Quilter journey I have been so blessed to work some amazing creatives and companies. If you have seen their name here on the blog you can know that I think mostly highly of them and that I will continue to do so and even work with them a bit. So while I am not going away I am going to be switching gears and looking for more fulfillment than an industry that is really struggling and yet also keeps tightening the noose around it’s own neck like a damn fool.
While BAQS is personally fulfilling it also needs to pay the bills as well as let me be generous with my time and money and that is just not happening with many companies (those you don’t see here) telling me that while they “like me a lot personally” they can’t have me work with their company since my BAQS brand is offensive to their core customer. Or even better companies that do come to me and want me to work for free so they can “expose me”.. ( I can expose myself, thank you very much!) Both of these things are hard in their own way for sure.
So this leads me back to Brene… as I was listening to her newest book she spoke about how one company wanted her to eliminate her references to her faith in her talk and yet another chided her about her use of somewhat colorful language at times, both requesting that she “put a cap on it” to be allowed to work with them…. She spoke about how this made her feel ( que the personal shame monolog) and reflected about how the most important times of our lives…the things that really change us usually include no short measure of “cussin and prayin” and that is just who she was and that both organizations where going to have to find someone else to speak since she was no longer going to twist herself to be who they needed her to be.
This small exchange was like a profound jolt to me since for the past 6 months I had been nursing a burr under my saddle from when I checked in for a two speaking events at Spring Quilt Market and was delivered the direct message that I was going to have to “watch my mouth and not drop any F-bombs during my presentations” or I would no longer be welcome to speak there. At the time I was so shocked that I said nothing and honestly I am not sure I have ever done a professional presentation when I have dropped the “f-bomb” no matter how many times I might have typed out the word FUCK on my very own blog. They had hired me and then wanted me to change in order to be worthy of them… and I am just not alright with that anymore. There are a lot of other people out there who are willing to bend, willing to keep their personal mouths shut in the face of some really awful stuff, and to watch this industry do it’s level best to exclude and silence people of color, those of non-binary sexuality and those who just don’t fit their norm, but I am not one of them, but understand why many feel the need to put on this mask to stay employed. Masks make me hyperventilate, can’t do it.
The truth is that I never have been one to take shit but have tried like hell to keep the BAQS brand and it’s flavor of BadAss support open and accessible to all who need it while also making sure it helped put bacon on the table. Now the truth is that I am so very-very lucky. I have a most amazing husband who takes wonderful care of our family and it allows me to the latitude and comfort to try things even when they are crazy like “creating a quilting brand that supports diversity and BadAss openness” but putting 40-60 hours a week into something for more than 6 years to have it only just holding it’s own and maybe not so much is no longer going to cut it.
Honestly I am not quite sure what is next, but I was totally honest about those BadAss sweatshirts and gear being the last offering of the year. I am not closing the FB page or the blog at least for now. You are my community, you are my friends, you are my BadAss people, thank you for loving me and each being BadAss in your very own way.
Love, Maddie
p.s. Brene if you are ever reading this….. Thank you for the courage.
You and GFDA (good fucking design advice) have been my rocks. I understand…people say be who you are, but most don’t mean it. I have not been as supportive as I should have…with my dollars. Shit! I wish you knew what your example has done for so many.
The BAQS is a breath of healthy air. I’m saddened to see and hear of the challenges, professionally and personally, that you have been facing. We are all part of this community and when one of us is suffering or mistreated we are all at risk. Sometimes the risks we must take are the only way to show the world what we are made of. Thank you for the forum and the information. Thank you for the fun and light hearted joyfulness.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Peace to you in whatever emerges next. I came to Spool 3 years ago this week while visiting your city. I was delighted to meet you and your message to quilt without rules is something I think of every time I quilt. I am proud to be a BAQ and you inspired it. Thanks.
Ohh Maddie, I’m so sorry to read this. I just don’t know where to start. Who is the demographic these companies are bowing down to? The little church going blue hairs? Well guess what? They cuss more than we do! Didn’t they watch steve Harveys interview with those 100 yr old sweet, profanity rich ladies from Virginia? The fifty-something age group is no stranger to swears. We grew up hearing our parents scream hell, damn, piss, shit and most of that was directed at us! And now we have proudly added the mother of swears to our vocabulary, FUCK Yeah!! And the modern quilters, well they are very proficient and creative in stringing along a good swearing. Research has proven profanity releases hostility that could otherwise be released in very unhealthy ways and people who swear have higher IQs. So again I ask, who is this fucking demographic? These companies are fucking idiots. Every quilter, every artist I know uses profane language. I guess that’s what makes us BADASS. Love you Maddie!
Maddie,
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was try to conform to someone else’s idea of what a good quilt teacher should act/teach like. This lasted for about 3months. The other hard thing to do was walk away from this shop after almost 6 years. It was the best decisions I’ve ever made! The point is you should never have to conform to what those who have been in the industry for years dictate you should be/act like. Maddie be you in all your awesomeness! If it means you need to change courses for employment so be it but please keep BadAss Quilters Society going. You have single handily changed so many people’s lives and the way that so many now view the industry. You have given those of us that had no place to fellowship a home. I, as I’m sure others will, follow you wherever you choose to go. Be strong!
Just thinkin…remember how Mark Lipinski was ripped apart? The underbelly has way too much sway.
You are so important! Your acceptance of all and your willingness to be who you are! Never give that up. I hope you can find a way to continue the beacon of happiness that is BAQS- and I also totally understand if you cannot. Onwards!!
I promise you the next 21 years will be great. Just follow my radioactive footprints. I run a non-faith based quilting group that makes quilts for the local hospital. I have five rules: no TV, no radio, no politics, no religion, and no drama. I’ve only had to enforce the drama rule once. Everyone looked and learned. I’ve spent all my life going places and doing things primarily because people told me I couldn’t. The only concession I make is saying “Bad Words” out loud when something pisses me off and I have shop full of people (& kids). I welcome everyone. So if you ever want to visit, let me know.
wow! I understand what you say. F*&*. Write a book, I will buy it. We are not all supposed to be the same. I would miss you if you disappeared.
Well Maddie dear, you may beat me to 50 and be the Queen of Bad Ass – but I would like to exhibit my transformation from the “Nice” girl I tried to be (it was hard as I must have missed that day where little girls had it explained that we are NOT to be as strong, smart or capable as boys…always quiet, polite and helpless) as I am not far from the glory that is 50.
At 40 I told people (with my kids laughing their butts off) that I WAS 40 and in touch with my “Inner Bitch” and no longer had to “be quiet and lady like” when confronted by stupidity dribbling out of their mouth.
I think at 45 I achieved my “Stone Bitch” level – I am no longer only reactionary in my need to express my “Inner Bitch.” I often stop the stupid before it gets started, bless their hearts, and explain to them exactly where they have gone amiss even (especially?) if it requires an actual boot in their ass.
I think the next level is “Fierce Bitch”…
No matter where your journey leads you, Maddie, I will always be a BadASS quilter!
I am pretty sure that if Shakespeare were around today, he would have uttered a “Fuck” or two. I know though that he did say “to thine own self be true” . I will miss you. Every time I utter the f-bomb either in the sewing room or in the Marketplace, I hope your ears buzz and it makes you giggle. Peace to you….
I love you Maddie and this BAdass community! I will continue to pray for you and hope this group can be the light and love, that so many of us clearly need and desire. I don’t understand what is wrong with these quilty people, not seeing that we need someone, like your business. I just found you recently too! Most days I am home with my 2 adopted babies, which one has autism, so it’s so awesome to see your videos, your kittens and be apart of something so awesome and out of the box, without leaving home. Being a multi-color family, having an adult child who is finding himself and loves who he loves, and just feeling completely accepted here is truly a testament to the people here. Love and support always! Unconditionally
So many hugs and prayers for strength and encouragement.
This is so very, very relatable. I just had a conversation with someone about how food blogging is an actual sustainable business model, but content creation in the craft business is really hard to justify after awhile. I’ve had many of these thoughts too, and when I turn 50 in July, I hope I’ll be doing something new and exciting that also pays some bills. You are amazing and I’m truly hopeful that you’ll find a way to be your authentic, supportive, badass self, while earning buckets of cash.
I just found you a little while ago and finally! a place where I belong. I love wearing my BadAss shirt to my local Guild meeting. Many of our gray-haired ladies love it and giggle when they see it. There may be more of us than anyone can tell. I ordered a red sweatshirt yesterday, too. I love that you are courageous enough to be who you are and stand for your beliefs. I think the world would be a much better if everyone did that. Oh, and Brene’ Brown is one of my favs! Hugs to your beautiful self!
You have lifted me with being your full authentic self. I admire the strength you have inside and being able to so aptly apply it. I saw your hoodie on a LADY at Road to California quilt show last year, it took my breath away. I thought, hey that’s one of MY KIND of people! I am owed a gift from mom…so got to have her order it.NOW. I dance to my own drum too…how can I dance with others, if I can’t dance by myself? Those times I might feel rejected, I think of a Dr. Seuss quote “Be who you are, Say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter & those who matter don’t mind” I am SURE those foster furry babies don’t mind AT ALL!♡ NEVER give up on who you are, NEVER!
I wish you lots of luck, wish the market was different, I would imagine this is the primary reason that the industry is having trouble bringing a lot of young people in. I am proud to sport my by vinyl sticker and tote bag!
Shit, crying at work AGAIN. My mother is a sewing teacher, and I’m gay. I’ve grown up around all this forever and I get all of it. First, thank you for acknowledging that you deserve the respect and love that you demonstrate and insist on for the rest of us. Next, I pray that all of us touched by your baddassery will propagate it like ripples in a fucking pond. Maybe some of those with closed minds will learn that love is greater and more important than a single word and look outward from themselves. Finally, keep the email list, please. When your world spins into a new place, share with us.
Maddie, keep holding up that candle! Yes this industry is struggling on one level, mostly imo _because_ of that ultra-tightass 1950s attitude. And I don’t mean that in a good or nice way. I’m one of those older gals who won’t go to the nearby local guild because of the snooty exclusivity. I wonder if you are getting the flak simply because they recognize on some level how over that old world is. I hope you can keep your badass constituency close to your heart and not let yourself feel defeated. If you are causing a stink you are winning.
Maddie,
You stay Bad Ass and keep speaking your truth. You are an inspiration. My daughter has told me about Brene Brown .. I haven’t read/seen/heard her, but I do have her latest book in my Audible library , and now I’m more eager to read her. There are some really misguided people hurting the quilting community now, and brave people like you are the antidote. But being an activist is exhausting. I hope you do what you have to do to stay healthy and happy. About health … I’m sure you know about clean eating and alternative healing and how those practices are life changing. If that’s an area you haven’t explored, let me know.
I’m proud to be a bad ass quilter. I don’t drop the F bomb, and I have been known to cringe when I hear one –or twelve– but I defend your right to speak the truth. I choose your blog over many others because I love your irreverent attitude and open armed approach. Take a break if you need one, but don’t leave us. We need a leader.
Be true to you, you BADASS MO-FO!!!
While I don’t hold all of your beliefs, I love that you are who you are. Please don’t leave those of us who love you in a world with no BAQS…. you always make me smile!!! {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Maddie
We have a lot of shared years. We’ve weathered some blows and changes beyond belief. Changes that some of which we didn’t thing we had the strength to endure. We did. You did. You’ve empowered many, including me. I cherish the years we’ve shared and I am prouder than proud to call you Friend. I raise a toast to you and the years to come. ❤️
Maddie…so many are so much more eloquent than I am but I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you and the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself! Your bad ass self is a treasure to be treated with love and respect, and a good belly laugh.
PS I just discovered Brene Brown…my pastor frequently quotes her in his sermons.
If we change for others then we cease to be ourselves! keep being you xx
OMG 😮 not only am I a quilting fan girl but a kitty mama fan girl too… 😊 I don’t have time for shit either. Good on ya Maddie you inspire me. 😜 Love the kick ass Brene Brown philosophy and the You rock BAQS philosophy! Hang in there 🤗 it is all worth it. If 51 is like 50 bring it on baby 🍾 CHEERS 🥂
Maddie,
Maddie,
Well atleast you haven’t lost your “muchness”! I so wish you the very best. And I had hoped one day to meet you.
I wanted to come to Spool but we have a geriatric dog that we just can’t leave with any one else.
So hold your head up high, be brave and be you!
Love and hugs!!
I absolutely LOVE the philosophy of what it means to be a Badass Quilter. I read my BAQS keyfob from time to time and show it to anyone who asks me about BAQS when they see my swag…or the stickers on my class machine…or my ever-present BAQS coffee tumbler. That being said, I completely respect your decision to dial back. Only you know what is best for you. Honesty to self, while sometimes difficult, is essential to happiness through self actualization. Psychobabble aside, you gotta be you. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Do whatcha need to do but don’t silence your voice for those who love you (we BAQS-ers). Take time for you but don’t forget us! Please check in from time to time. HUGS! And fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke (or the truth!).
Maddie,
My heart and soul go out to you! I am a member of a quilt guild full of narrow minded women. My quilting style is not their style; therefore it is not considered “quilting”? I love my Badass clothing and gear. I will continue to display it proudly.
I wish this industry would embrace all, regardless of their political or social views. Come on, no one ever really died from hearing a “bad” word or befriending a person with different thoughts.
May you find what you are looking for. I will be praying for those clusters in your thyroid to be healed.
Love every thing you do.
I love you and BAQS. You have lifted me up when I have needed it these past 5 months. I will follow your blog and facebook as long as it is around. I hope you never give up the spirit that is uniquely you.
Love and hugs and prayers to you my badass friend!
I can relate to this on a spiritual level! I battle with these things daily for my own reasons and now that I am in a more public eye (be it no where near the eyes that see you) I am always worried about being true to me and still keeping customers. You have helped me see the importance of being me. You will figure it out and we will all be better for it! Love you like we do!
Gentle hugs for you, my friend… 😘
So very sorry that your efforts are not being recognized by industry. You work very hard, and it is disheartening that your hard work is not rewarded financially or at least with respect. Wishing you well. Take care of yourself!!
I agree with everyone – we love your BadAss self just the way you are. I proudly display my BadAss Quilter’s Society sticker on my car and hope to be buying them for years to come! Hang in there Maddie! Whatever you do, your BadAss quilters will have your back!!
Thanks for bring a little BadAss into quilting. Joke ’em if they can’t take a f**k. Or, a little more poetically, “But it’s all right now, I’ve learned my lesson well. You see, you can’t please everyone, so you’ve got to please yourself.”
Remember some people can not hold a candle to you. Your light shines brightly and I love you for who you are and for what you say. I so look forward to your blogs and the laughter that happens when I watch. NEVER LET SOMEONE ELSE DULL YOUR SPARKLE!
It is a shame that people have become so ” judge-y” today. I love the fact that you are you. 50 years is a landmark, and for many of us, it is freeing…my give-a-fuck really changed to what was important and true for me. You are just advanced enough to have realized that early on. Stay strong, I wish you many blessings.
But I’ve only just FOUND you!
I hope you can continue. I found you at a time when I was ready to give up quilting. I had taken a class and at some point we were asked to press or fabric. I was ironing my fabric and you could hear an audible gasp in the crowd. All that shame the Brene Brown writes about came flooding back. I was suddenly the girl in seventh grade that nobody would talk to you. So I keep hoping that you will fight the good fight and see your truth and I hope it all works because it always brings a smile to my face when I see your posts .
~Cindi Who knows the difference between pressing and ironing but really doesn’t give a fuck
I am going to a quilting event in November, and BQS is what gave me the strength to sign up. I was ironing at my first quilt class and the instructor mimed slapping my hand and announced “bad girl”. I was mortified, and it has been 3 years since I ventured into a class.
In that same class I heard 2 comments that were flat out racist, and was shunned from conversation when I replied to a question about my husband that I have a wife. BQS is the place that has reminded me that quilting is MY hobby, MY fun and I do not have to leave my identity or dignity at the door.
Oh, Laura, this makes me cry. I wish I’d been there. We could have quilted together and gotten to know each other and paid no attention to those others. I’m sure that being alone in that group was hard, but I’m wondering how much ugly little chit chat you missed out on. You might have been better off.
I applaud you for venturing back in November. Follow your art, learn what is helpful, and perhaps there will be some in the group looking for the safe harbor of someone who is kind to others and true to herself.
I am sorry to hear this. I may be more conservative than you, but I defend your right to say what you feel! I was sad when Spool closed even though I was a once a year customer as we drove through on our way home. (Deliberate side trip!) It had a unique feel that I miss. BadAss has been an interesting platform and I hope it continues. Best wishes, stay strong, and take care of those kitties!
You are a light in the forest to many,please don’t let others dim your light. Your enthusiasm and joy are contagious.
Maddie, I’m saddened by your announcement, two-fold. 1. You have inspired me and so many others to abandon shame and quilt or sew or craft with doing it for ourselves as the main focus, not what the judges or naysayers want. 2. Because I so wanted BAQS to survive in order for you to be financially successful so it would never end! You have been and always will be, the reason I gave up my quilting fear and dared to do things a bit different. God bless you and your family! I hope the future holds something spectacular for you so you can keep us keeping on!
You rock girl! With a name like BadAss Quilters what in hell did people think they would be getting? Just as there are hundreds of quilt blocks and thousands of combinations, so there are just as many quilters with different personalities! You are the breath of fresh air our community needs.
I completely agree! i love your blog & appreciate all you’ve done! for sure, you take care of you… many hugs! 🙂
Exactly! The quilting world is a place for everyone to express their uniqueness and creativity so why can’t you be yourself…
And we love your BadAss self exactly the way you are. There is a psychic slump that society seems to be in right now. I don’t think it’s over yet and likely to get worse before it gets better. Hang on to community. It may not always pay all the bells but it’ll be there long after the bills are gone.
BAQS has been my quilt guild and way to keep up with the latest and greatest of all things quilting. I am deeply religious and one of the things that drew me to BAQS was, to quote a hymn we sing at church, “all are welcome in this place.” Your language has never bothered me. Your commitment to welcome drew me in. Your live video feeds, accompanied by cat sounds and sights, cheered up my days and gave me new ideas to use and new products to search for. I hope that BAQS doesn’t go away, but I respect your need to take care of YOU. I’m going to stick around as long as you are in this, even if it means you are going to hit the ‘pause’ button for a while. If it turns out that you are meant to do other things, I will miss BAQS (ALOT), but I will understand and hope that someday we can run into each other at some fantastic quilting event somewhere that celebrates the best of what our craft has to offer.
Maria,
My thoughts exactly. I am not that eloquent with words.
I visited Spool just months before the closure announcement. I have never been in a quilt shop that I felt that comfortable. My husband even commented about nice and “real” they were.
Hang in there Maddie, we love you and your “Badassery”!
I’m new to the badassness but I want you to know that you are right on. I’m in my 60’s but the nastiness of the country and now of the quilting world really piss me off.
What the fuck is going on( for you😻). It’s too early to have to do the “remember when “. It should still be able to grow and evolve without the hatefulness.
You go maddy…I hope you find a way to continue the badassness with us… fingers crossed.
Will you be in Houston his year?
I may be quite old, but I’m BadAss to the core! You stay you, Maddie! We luvs ya just the way you are!
I’m old, too, but love BadAss……..you say what I feel!!! Don’t change who you are for anyone!
AMEN!
I have been seeing this a lot lately. Not only with me but with people in the circles I travel. The world is changing, people are changing, the earth is changing and a shift is happening. You need to follow your bliss and your passion. If this is no longer it, then so be it.
May I say, if that is the case, please keep me in mind to stay in your friend circle as you are an amazing person and an amazing soul and I like being your friend.
Prayers and blessings in all of your travels and decisions. You be you and take care of you. Love you and all you do and have done. We (I) am behind you in whatever you decide. Love an light your way!!!
Oops! Definitely time to make my support heard! I love my Bad Ass Quilter stuff! Time to shop for Christmas gifts!