That Time My Vagina Tried to Fall Out- Or why misogyny is not just for men.
( Digital block signing at the bottom of the page)
Seven years ago I had an almost* complete hysterectomy after having to fight tooth and nail to PROVE I was indeed having a problem.
You see while I adore my children having 6 babies is VERY hard on the even the best of bodies and having multiple babies over 10 pounds is even less friendly. “Duh” to quote Homer Simpson
The thing is I could not convince multiple different doctors that I was having a problem. I saw 4 in total, same “dance” each time, get undressed, hide your bra and panties under your clothes as if they are not going to be taking the $5 tour of my lady garden and should be offended by basic undergarments.. <insert eye roll> Feet in stirups, scootch, down, no, more… no, a bit more.. ah yes like you are rocking climbing naked and in reverse.. PERFECT!
Look, look, look, poke, poke, poke,… ” I don’t see anything wrong here”… If your husband is “complaining” you could try some kegels and you could stand to lose some weight. Friendly pat on the thigh and leaves the room so I can have some “privacy” to get dressed… never to be seen from again.
Just typing all this out I am RAGE FILLED.. like there is fire SPITTING OUT OF MY EYES right now.
To be clear two of these doctors were men and two were women. When it comes to medical issues female doctors are not all that much better than male doctors sad to say. They have spent years swimming through a cesspool of misogyny and lot of it has rubbed off on them. YES, there are the good ones but finding them is pure luck or persistence that rivals that of finding the holy grail. There are WAY more horrible stories out there than good ones.
I had one male doctor go out of his way to quiz me on how I was having sex with my husband in a way that was way more about his own excitement than medicine and a female doctor who flat out refused to talk about sex in relation to my issue saying that was not what she was there for, and acting offended and used shaming language.
Honestly Dr. Google made it clear what was wrong with me and I was thinking that a butter knife and a slug of gin might have been my alternative when and I was finally able to get the help I needed when I insisted on being examined while not laying back, but instead was standing up and at which point massive amounts of blood splashed to the floor and my vagina tried to follow along with it. This made the doctor VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable since I was no longer in a submissive pose but to her credit she checked and replied.. “OH, I see what you mean”…. yes that is a real problem. – DUH
I was then referred to a surgeon, and that was a story of it’s own, since while very skilled with the scalpel ( and one of the few options on my insurance) he was a sexist pig and assured me that after my surgery my husband would be quite pleased. Topped off my the fact that he decided to LEAVE one of my ovaries ( the almost part*) so I would still have some sex drive, he thought it was a nice thing to do for the husbands!!!! (rage rage rage)
All this to say, if you have had shit medical experiences, and don’t feel that as a woman you are listened to you are not alone. As women we get less comprehensive medical care than men, we are more likely to be sexually abused during the process and more likely to die in critical cases because they do not believe us about pain or symptoms.
THIS HAS TO STOP
And while I don’t have the answers I am not backing down from the conversation and I am making an art quilt, a political statement piece that speaks to how as women we are hurt, we are scared, we are not believed just because we are women. We FEAR, men will hurt us and are often at their mercy of not listening to us. Given that we are at the very least 50% of the population this seems INSANE.
If you would like to add you name to my art quilt the details about the project are here at the What She Fears Project .
If time is sort for you and you would like a volunteer to sign a block for you please click below to submit your name – making sure to check your email to approve the signing. By doing a digital signature you will also be added to mailing list to keep up with the project.
Reading this made me so fkn angry and well up with tears. It’s so frustrating to hear stories like this.
After finding out I had ovarian cancer, I also found out u had the brca1 gene and elected to have my breast remove. The first dr was a pig and I should have known better than to continue. After several months of thr tissue expanders (one of which deflated) I finally had enough and wanted them out. He refused and wouldn’t refer me to another Dr to go flat, saying most women would be happy w bigger breast and hey, I still had nice cleavage. Smh.
I was having horrible pain in the right side. Lots of tests and procedures were done and “nothing” was found. Even though the xray showed that my large and small intestine junction was slightly lower then normal. My amazing gynecologist did note that my uterus was not in a perfect location and decided he was go in and suspend my uterus and right ovary.
Low and behold they found out what was causing all the issue I had lots of surgical scaring from when my appendix was taken out the old fashion way with a large incision. That was all removed and the pain went away. Fast forward 60 years and I bet you dollars to donuts that I have the same thing happening again. Will the doctors listen, nope they will not.
That said I do NOT do anything medical in the common fashion. An eleven pound 1 ounce baby who would not leave my uterus. She was a C/section after 4 hours of induced labor. The 2nd child was six pounds and 6 ounces and 3 weeks premature even though the tests should her lungs was ready for delivery. Again delivered by C/section and no she was not ready to come out. She spent some time in a isolate. She was a scrawny little thing with no fat deposits that happen in the last weeks of pregnancy. I heard the doctor say next time we will wait until she goes into labor. There was no next time.
I had a bi-cornate uterus. This was discovered during a fertility workup. Went on to have a good pregnancy, but had a C-Section. I must note that the 2 MALE ob-gyn doctors discussing their weekend golf trip to Pebble Beach may have had something to do with my late Friday afternoon C Section (wha… no way…).
Then when it came time for me to finally relieve my years of suffering from endometrosis, always poo-pooed by my male doctors .My FEMALE ob-gyn was understanding and patient, but refused to leave me one ovary to give me some hormones.
I look back on it all in disgust. I had to suffer endlessly over my entire reproductive life, which ended at 40 with a total hysterectomy. Best thing that I ever did!
I had a hysterectomy too. In my case, I had to fight to keep my ovaries. They wanted to take them just in case and because it was easier while they were in there. I wanted to keep them because surgical menopause is terrible and I had no confidence I would get appropriate (more than estrogen) or ANY kind of HRT. Menopause is so poorly studied or treated because our suffering is considered normal. I wanted to ask how often they just lop off testicles “just in case”.
Also, I’ve lost count of how many times my weight has been blamed for anything medical. It makes me so angry and I dread going to a doctor anymore.