I have been warned that a quilting blog is a terrible place to talk about depression but since I have also wandered into other hot button topics such as of sex on quilts and the flagrant use of the Instant Pot I think it is pretty safe to say that I don’t take all that many recommendations to heart so I am going forward with the post over the wiser counsel of others. You have now been warned.
I like many suffer from depression. Mine is better than others and worse than some and it really does not matter since there are no prizes. I mean imagine if there were, they would be the worst prizes EVER.. I think we can all agree on that. I also happen to have some sort of freaky autoimmune thing that pretends to be Lupus but can’t seem to muster up the gumption to meet all the markers when it comes to testing, but again, no ribbons will be awarded but sometimes it makes me feel rather horrid even if they can’t seem to give it a name. *I* call it Asshole, it seems to fit. You know, on those days when I wake up feeling rotten I can just say, ” My Asshole is here” and it explains a lot, except for those people who also call their ex-spouses “Asshole” and then they just wonder why I am spending so much time with my ex-husband. It can get confusing.
It Looks Like This
Anyway, back to depression, for those who don’t understand depression I think I have come up with a damn fine way to explain it. Have you seen those heartwarming videos circulating around Facebook where the colorblind person is given a pair of those amazing new glasses that allows them to see color. You watch them open the box, ( oh how slow they are… just rip it open already!) then they slip on the glasses and a new world is open to them. COLOR, color everywhere damn-where. They gasp, they cry, they shake at the beauty of it all, it is amazing and our hearts split open in joy for them.
So what if you could see color but were then given glasses that do exactly the opposite? There you are having a rather swell life, lots of color, cake and tequila for everyone then you are given a pair of glasses and you slip them on and all the color goes away. Every freaking bit of it is drained from your brain and you are unable to take the glasses off. Those glasses no matter how much you want them off are stuck to your face and you see nothing but tones of grey. Sure if you quickly flick your eyes way to the side you can see flashes of color for just seconds so you know it is out there but for you it is effectivly gone. For me this is depression. Someone sneaks in and in the middle of the night glues these damn depression glasses to my face so it is not like I can just whip them off and go about my merry way no matter how many people say ” just think of happy things” or “snap out of it”, those glasses are there good and tight.
Butter Rum Lifesavers as the Start of Self Care
Of course now I know a lot of ways to pry the glasses off my face and when I am able to sum up the energy things like a healthy dose of kittens, therapy, medication, self care and ice cream can be a lifesavers ( oh yeah, and Butter Rum lifesavers – like crack, really) and I highly encourage anyone who suffers from depression to try any and all of them since they will help. They might not help the first day and they might need to be tinkered with since medication and Ice cream both come in lots of flavors but there is one out there that is right for you.
For self care I highly suggest all the things that make you feel loved and cared for including time with your sewingmachine if that helps bring back color to your life. On my part I can see my depressive episodes coming on by my lack of desire to sew or quilt. This is my ~ WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON ~ and if headed I can often stem off a nasty episode with some serious self care and doing what I need since the truth is depression runs in my family and escaping it was not in the cards for me, but I can keep it at bay. My family crest might as well be the Prozac logo and had it been many generations of women and men in my family tree would have been much better off having had the option for effective medication.
Why I like Drugs
While medication is not the right choice for everyone I could not be more thrilled than to live in a day and age where medication to correct the faulty brain chemistry that lead to depression are available. I am one to skip merrily to my pharmacy and embrace these options as needed and I am not shy about saying that if you need it I support you in doing the same. Also… find a professional someone to talk to.. that is good stuff as well.
The more we normalize the treatment of mental health issues the more we can talk about it at the dinner table the same way your aunt Helen can go on and on about her bunion surgery without people giving her the side-eye and shifting uncomfortably the better off we will all be.
This Shit is Seriously Funny
Nothing made this more clear to me than reading Jenny Lawson’s new book Furiously Happy which deals with her depression and take on life surrounding it. Now I have to warn you that if a potty-mouth and side splitting hilarity coupled with a very dark look at depression are not your cup of tea you will want to pass on this book. In fact I want you to pass on this book if you don’t suffer with depression since honestly this one is a hell of a lot funnier to those of us who know the dark-side and have fought like holy-hell to come back to the color.
So here is the deal, that photo is my copy of Furiously Happy and I want someone to have it. I am even going to write an inscription in it and then I want you to read it and add something to the book and then pass it to someone else who needs it. So sort of like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants but for a book that might just help you understand yourself better and see your way back to all the amazing color this world holds. I want this for you and for myself.. lets do this thing.
Leave a comment and on the 31st of the month I will pick someone to send my book to and we will get this thing started.
This world…I know this world. Even the quirky, can’t diagnose my other crap world. It is my life. Quilting has become my vacation when I shouldn’t be able to even do it. I applaud you!
so this is a bad ass blog post if ever there was one
thank you for reminding me that i’m not the only one 🙂
I do not remember a time I have not been depressed, thank goodness for drugs to straighten out the brain chemistry. My childhood was difficult, my parents were of the age where you were told to “Snap out of it, there’s nothing wrong with you!”. Finally got meds that help, still have bad days and I can really tell if I forget to take my meds for a day or two.
I do not want to be included in the drawing for the book, I have it and have actually purchased about 4-5 copies and given them away. Jenny Lawson is a fantastic person, saw her in March on her book tour and got her to sign a couple books for me. I am glad to be a member of her tribe.
Depression, anxiety or any mental illness is nothing to laugh at or push under the rug! It’s a serious illness that needs to be discussed out in the open just like any other illnesses….too many suffer alone!! Every one suffering from a mental illness should be able to talk freely about it without there being a stigma attached…..
Depression hit me in February due to a personal event occurring in my life. I never knew how quickly and how deep I would fall into a dark hole. I’m still in the process of climbing out of that hole. I never want to be at the bottom of that darkness ever again. I need something to help me laugh. Life has changed forever-I need to laugh again.
I didn’t know until now how much we have in common. I too struggle with an unnamed autoimmune disease. It lupus, no it rheumatoid arthritis, no its lupus. And the depression ugh. But I’m taking my own destiny in my own hands. My blue days are becoming fewer and fewer.
Great post Maddie. Depression is serious-you explained it well. I’d love to have that book. Thank you for writing this post!
Sounds like you and I experience depression the same way. I love your description and will use it in trying to explain it to others. The way I’ve tried to explain it is similar…it’s like delicious chocolate that tastes like cardboard. I’ve also explained that I can’t create when I’m seriously depressed, so unlike what many people claim works for them, art doesn’t help when I’m in the hole. You’re right that it’s a good warning sign when I dry up, and I’m getting better at recognizing that and managing it too. Learning to sew and getting over a mental block about it (I will spare you that story) has helped me a lot the past two years. Thanks for sharing your experience with humor and honesty, and good luck to you.
Depression runs in my family also though it has passed me over. A sibling I am close with suffers from depression. I have read and tried to educate myself to understand him more clearly. I can see his moods more clearly now, not all of the time but a lot of the time. I try to be more sensitive with him during these times because I know he cannot help it. He refuses to acknowledge his condition (bipolar disorder) and refuses to be medicated. So it helps to find ways to deal with him better.
You seem to be willing not only to acknowledge your “asshole” moments but also to embrace treatment. Good for you.
Do I have a peeping Tom? You are describing my life to a T. From the autoimmune bullshit, to the dread that overwhelms me on some days.
Being the only 2 caregivers for my 87 yr old MIL who lives with us, makes me force myself out of bed most days, and painting a smile on my face, because she deserves kindness.
I would love to read this book. If there is a mailing list, I really want to be placed on it.
Thanks for being BOLD and BADASS enough to tackle the really hard truths.
Love you.
I love your explanation of depression using the color blind glasses, that is perfect! I too come from a family with depression. My mother took her life 17 years ago and my brother has attempted suicide multiple times. I also have other family members who struggle with depression and anxiety. It is a dark topic for many, and most just want to ignore it. But I think being open about it really helps to break the stigma.
I’ve had lots of flavors of depression, from post partum psychosis to can’t get out of bed and don’t know or care why. It sucks. You KNOW that ok is out there, you just can’t find the path to it. Some days are good and some are very bad. Much love to the ladies and gentlemen who are trying to find their path.
Yes to all of that! And thank you for keeping your blog honest and true, no matter what your topic of choice is!
Thanks…just thanks.
I have been fortunate to only have had one bout after my brother died, but know it’s always there, ready to surface at any time. My friend suffers terrible depression and I would pass this on to her
I get that, too–I can’t do shit when I’m sad. I can’t sew a stitch. It pains me. But I get by. I get up and go to work every day. I have to. And even if I didn’t have to work to stay in my home, if I just wallowed every day, dif nothing but wallow–that would kill me.
I have experienced depression since having cancer at 16, it is now called post traumatic stress disorder, back then it was just the blues. My brain, like your’s, is wired that way now. for years I struggled to avoid medication, did the therapy thing. I now believe in better living through pharmacology!! drugs, along with a loving and supportive husband and wonderful therapist, allow me to enjoy life most of the time. Thank you for writing what you did and letting people know that this is not a bad thing, it is just the way it is. A friend recently gave me Jenny’s second book as a birthday gift. It is wonderful.
Thanks for sharing and letting the world know it’s okay to share.
Thank you for the willingness to share, other than postpartum, I have been fortunate to avoid depression myself, but not in my life. I have several family members who live with it each day. I am always seeking to understand and learn how best to support them.
Thanks for being you, sharing all of your awesome self, and the chance to win.
Amen, sista. I’m right there with you. I also own a quilt store too, which helped with my anxiety immensely, interacting with happy customers every day. I feel blessed to be working in the quilting industry, it’s truly one of the better ones out there!
DITTO, Michelle! Quilters are the best and even though we ourselves must be “ON” all the time during open hours, it’s really helpful to know that even when it’s strangers coming through the door, they’ll be our quilting family in just a few minutes!