Letting Go
Free motion quilting can be a huge hurdle for today’s quilter. We all want to be able to create those fancy, swirling designs on our domestic sewing machines but many of us have no idea how to get started. Some people get through a few, halting stitches and then give up, saying it’s just too hard.
Well, I’m here to help. The secret to free motion quilting lies in two words: letting go.
Seriously, try it. What are you holding on to right now? A pencil? A Slurpee? A chinchilla? The mailman? Throw your arms out wide and drop everything. Whoops – okay, go catch the chinchilla and put it back in its cage. There now, don’t you feel more free, more open to possibility? Don’t worry; the mailman comes back every day.
Now let’s examine all the tension you are holding onto in your body. Let your neck relax and your head fall; let all your limbs loosen and feel yourself sinking into a big boneless blob on the floor. Yep, right on the floor. Get on down there. Imagine a giant puddle of flesh. Be the puddle. Did I mention it’s probably a good idea to go pee before you do this? No? Oh. Well, now you can really be a puddle.
And while we’re on the topic, let’s just be frank here. What else are you holding on to in there, hmm? Listen, honey—fiber is a free motion quilter’s best friend. A bran muffin a day keeps the longarmer away, that’s my motto.
Now that we’ve freed your physical form of tension and other…stuff, let’s move on to all your emotional baggage. Anger, jealousy, fear—just let them all float away on the breeze. Watch them go; that’s it. Just like all the money you spent on this non-refundable workshop: gone forever. Bye-bye, sadness! Bye-bye, pain! Forgive all those who have wronged you. Forgive your mom for never approving of any of your boyfriends. Or girlfriends. Forgive your ex for that one time he let your cat out when he came over to fix your sink, and you had to put flyers all over town and that cat never came back and he was just the best cat ever and getting you a new kitten, like, three days later was not the right move at all because nothing could replace Mr. Fluffypants, nothing. Forgive him too. If you can. If not, it’s totally understandable.
Now let’s turn to more material concerns. Look around your home. See how all your possessions are weighing you down? See how the clutter on your cutting table is a reflection of the clutter in your psyche, in your soul? Just sweep it all away. Maybe into a big bin or something. Look at all your fabrics. You have so many, don’t you? Too many. Especially the Tula Pinks. Way too many of those. Just sweep all those into the bin too. And just leave that bin on your front porch and let fate carry it away to a new home, where people appreciate exquisite fabrics and will actually use them instead of hoarding them like, what, are you Gollum or something?
I should probably take a moment to note that all the personal information you were required to supply during sign-up is completely confidential. Don’t worry about that at all. Just let it go.
No. No, wait. Don’t. Don’t do it. DON’T SING THE SONG. Oh, dear. We’re singing it.
I’ll just wait until everyone is done.
Okay, where were we? Now, we must learn to let go of expectations. See this quilt here? See the feathers and swirls and flowers all artfully stitched upon it? Don’t expect to do that. And this one? All geometric, but echoing the quilt blocks themselves, enhancing the design without overpowering it? Yeah, don’t expect to do that either. And how about that picture on your phone of a guy with a little bit of a paunch and, let’s face it, thinning hair, who you’ve been dating for, I don’t know, freaking eternity? Don’t expect an engagement ring out of him. Or employment. Or orgasms. You just release all those expectations into the wind, honey. You’ll feel a whole lot better, trust me.
Finally, we must let go of attachments. I bet you never use that ruffler, do you? And who needs a walking foot? We’re free motion quilting now; we don’t need no stinking walking foot.
Feel how free you are! Your limbs are loose; your heart is open; your mind is ready to access its unlimited potential. Now pull yourself up off the floor, sit at your machine, release your feed dogs—and quilt!
How…uh, how’re we doing there? Oh. Oh dear. That didn’t go very well, did it? Are you sure you really let everything go? Is there anything else you need to, um, release? Little gas, maybe? No? Crap.
Okay. Here’s the real secret: tequila. Just keep a bottle of Cuervo and a shot glass near your machine at all times; two big shots should do it, but if you still feel a little inhibited, go ahead and throw back a couple more. There you go—whoo! Now you feel loose, don’t you? Oh okay, yeah, sure, take your top off; we’re all friends here. Yeah! We’re quilting now, baby! Sure, we’re all gonna hate ourselves in the morning, but we don’t need to worry about that now! Just let it go! Oh yeah…
LET IT GO. LET IT GOOOO. CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOOOOORE!
Megan Dougherty has been blogging and quilting as The Bitchy Stitcher since 2008. She was the humor columnist for Quilter’s Home magazine and Generation Q magazine, and was also the art director at GenQ for its first year. Her first book, Quilting Isn’t Funny, is available in paperback and Kindle on amazon.com.
Now I see what I have been doing wrong….brandy isn’t the key – tequila is!
Off to the liquor store I go!!
My song. “I’m a little acorn brown lying on the cold cold ground, I’m a nut, I’m a nut,”
I always feel better after visiting here !
Hahahaha This is great, just what I needed today!
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Tequila is a great idea! Just be sure to drink enough of it to numb the pain when you accidentally free motion quilt right through your thumbnail… 😉 Says the quilter who juices up with RED, RED WINE before heading into her studio…
Oh lord I needed that laugh. I am so ready to meet the mailman with drink in hand, shirt off, singing. It may just make his day.
Absolutely brilliant! I drop the feed dogs, put some Marathon 40 weight rayon these on the bobbin and the top and just quilt. I only concentrate on six inch square the size of a potholder at a time to quilt. I do the borders first, learnt that trick from a Best of Show quilter and friend. Jump in at the deep end and swim.
Awesome! Counterpoint to everything else going on out there is your humor.
Love it!!! This was just what I need to read after a long day at work.
Thank you
Preach it sister!
You are just what I needed today! The cat puked on my just prewashed and pressed fabric and the air conditioner died. But I have a question. Can I still be part of the Badass kids if my bottle contains Bombay Sapphire? Being a creature of habit and all, but still a heavy lime user.
I can heartily recommend combining two of the quilter’s best accessories – chocolate and red wine!
This spawned a business idea. Bottles decorated with quilt designs containing an alcoholic beverage and marketed as Free Motion Quilters Helper. Coming to a LOS near you 😉😊
Mandy Leins and I are writing a book with elegant and whimsical free motion quilting designs inspired by very old quilts. Most of the inspiration quilts are from 1790 to 1850, and all of the old ones were made before 1900. We just submitted our materials last week, and we’re excited. So, soon there will be more inspiration for quilters who love free motion or want to try it out.
OMG! You saw the boyfriend pic on my phone and knew it all! 😳
You and Maddie are quite the team! 👏
You were born to write! Love the article! What a collaboration! Thanks ladies for my morning laughter 🙂
Lol! I love this! You should also lose your attachment to eyesight. If we cannot see the free motion quilting stitches, it will be perfect, right? Thanks for the chuckles, this is the perfect combo of Bitchy and Badass!
I get more satisfied with my FMQ (and my piecing!) as I get older, even if it isn’t “better”. Why? I take off the glasses and enjoy the effect rather than look at every stitch and every lopped off point or lumpy intersection. I’m like, “I made something, y’all! Something that never existed before!” And then I toss it onto the pile that needs binding, because who has time for that?
Hilarious but resonating with so much truth, especially the part about the cat. Thanks.
If I put all of my Tula fabric in a bin and put it to the curb, I’ll be watching for a car with a license plate that says “Badass”, right?
If you are letting it all go, why not pop a brownie or two while you are at it?
Joking aside, I know when I FMQ I cannot be tired or tequilaed – bad things happen and I have an injury to prove it.
Who knew the two of you were in collaboration – but it only makes sense!
I’m more of a sangria gal myself (getting in those daily fruits & fiber)… It really is all about letting go and just going for it when it comes to free motionn oh, and practice, practice, practice… Thanks for the laughs!
The postman always rings twice – your chinchilla, not so much (too short, can’t reach the doorbell) so hang on to him!!!
Let it go!!!!
So glad you’re back, Megan!!!
Bahahaha! I just put my headphones on, crank it up and rock it out! I learned that no one really looks at your quilting (unless you’ve entered the quilt into competition). I will never, ever be amazing at free motion quilting, ruler work or even following the lines😜!
I !KNEW! the answer was tequila…I knew it all along.
Tequila is always the answer 😉
This has to be the best advice ever. Let’s be Badass and Bitchy!!!
” we don’t need no stinking walking foot.”
Badass and Bitchy, a match made in heaven.
I seriously love you two.
S. Ray