J.M.T.F.Q.
So I bet if the title of the post did not get you over here the graphic did… right? I mean what the hell could I be talking about?
The BackStory
“Real feminists don’t quilt” or so I was told. This line was delivered in a disdainful tone that is usually reserved for wiping something off the bottom of one’s shoe or seeing Rush Limbaugh, take your pick. In any case it was a swift and direct attack meant to put me in my place and yet I am already in my place and that is the place this feminist wants to be.
You see the funny thing is for the longest time I shunned the label of feminist always associating it with a group of women I knew who were hateful to men.. turns out they were just bitches who mistakenly called themselves feminists. My bad for taking them at their word.
Over the years I have warmed more and more to the label and yet it was in last year that I was blessed with the ” Real Feminists don’t quilt” comment. It has sat in my head.. tucked away until I was really ready to talk about it.
The Meat of the Matter
But then Amanda Palmer did.
Well actually I don’t think Amanda quilts ( but I am sure if she did it would be kick ass!) but what she had to say to a person who chose to comment to her that “real feminists don’t gaze at males.” is spot on. ( Amanda had been seen looking with rapt interest at her husband Neil Gaiman while he spoke. )
This is the perfect retort to those who think that an independent enlightened woman or man can’t be a quilter.
What she said in whole you can find here on her facebook page or here on the Amanda Palmer tumblr but in essence she said:
A FEMINIST can do whatever they want (and if that includes quilting then have the fuck at it.)
She went on to say –
“this includes: wearing heels, wearing combat boots, wearing nothing, sporting lipstick, shaving, not shaving, waxing, not waxing, being political, being apolitical, having a job, being homeless, gazing at men, gazing at women, gazing at porn of all sorts, glamming up like a drag queen, going in man-drag, being in a five-way polyamorous relationship, being childless, being a stay-at-home parent, being single, having a wife, having a husband, ( having a wife AND a husband- ok, I added that part) and gazing/cooing adoringly at those wives or husbands anywhere they fucking choose, including elevators, restaurants, puppet shows (well, maybe keep it g-rated if there are small children present),….or on theatrical stages at fringe festivals. are we getting the picture here?? the most powerful feminist can do WHATEVER SHE ( HE) WANTS. the minute you believe you’re a “bad feminist” because you said the wrong thing/wore the wrong thing/got married/chose to have children…or otherwise broke some unspecified ”code of feminism”: DON’T BUY IT. THERE ISN’T ONE. you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT. ANYTHING. THAT’S THE POINT.”
The Punchline
Amanda’s point works so well for all the parts of quilting.. and leads me to the second gut punch/ wakeup call of my day.. a post by Lauren Stardust ( scroll and look for her in a cute floral dress and keds..read there) in which she relates the story of eating out and having two women she did not know heckle her choice of clothing while was seated at lunch. She called them on it and advocated for herself quilte well. She pointed out that the need to rip apart the look of others is little more than Internalized Misogyny and that is when it hit me that it is SO much like how members of the quilt world often treat one another across screens or even while standing in front of a quilt at show. Why do we do that?? Why do we take up the defensive and have the need to be catty about the efforts of another? Are we intimidated? Are we jealous? If one style of quilt wins opposed to another why do some feel the need to rip it down instead of lift it up and celebrate it’s accomplishment.
The fact is I don’t know the answers and only know that my mission continues to be to further conversations about what it means to be a quilter and if that means some rabble rousing then so be it.
I am very pleased to see some amazing “pay it forward posts” kickstarted by Kimmy Brunner ( a totally fantastic quilter) using the hashtag #NoMeanGirls all over Facebook in an effort to turn things around by highlighting all the good that is out there!
The Parting Shot
So here is the deal, if you want to quilt, quilt the holy hell out of it. Be the sort of quilter you want to be and don’t give a care what others think. Do what brings you intense joy and make no excuses for your style, your intent or its outcome. Be a guy, be a girl, or be something amazing and new ( might I suggest a quilting unicorn?), it matters not; the Feminist Quilting Agenda is wickedly simple. Just making the fucking quilt.
Someone actually said that!?! Feminist police to the left of me. Quilt police to the right of me. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. Of course, I’d love to be stuck somewhere with you, preferably at Spools. Keep fighting the good fight for freedom of expression!!
Very well said! You go, girl! 😀
First time I’ve heard of you, and what an introduction! Loved this post. I’ll be back. ☺
Well said, Maddie!! And yes, I’d buy a “just make the fucking quilt” Tshirt too 🙂
your go Maddie! I’m proud to be a member of BAQS!!
I just love you.
YES. To all of this! And, most definitely, yes to the shirt!!
I am so happy found you page. Years ago when I started quilting I took a class from a “quilt police” teacher and almost gave up. Found another shop and been a go ever since.
Oh, thank you! You are making strong social statements here that go beyond feminism and I love it. It’s difficult to want to follow our innate human need to fit in while also breaking free of it to discover and be ourselves. Many feel no need or desire to differentiate themselves, but will use that same drive to denigrate those who do. So sad for them.
Thanks for being here and for saying stuff out loud. You’re awesome.
Awesome as usual!! As a self identified kinda butch punkish queer woman married to a man, I often run into this attitude. I usually just laugh at them… Feminism is about what we CAN do/be, not what we can’t.
hugs
Sam
I have only been following this blog for a short time, but with every post I fall more in love. I have spent a good part of my life explaining to my “feminist” friends that quilting, needle work, and cooking dinner for my husband doesn’t make me a push over or make my husband (or any other male) think less of me. I was shocked when I learned my own grandmother was a “feminist”. She called me “domesticated” and then turned her nose up. We need to support all types of woman, and celebrate our uniqueness. Thank you for writing this post, and I would totally wear a “Just make the fucking quilt” shirt.
I also think we should all be best friends.
You GO girl! This post made my day. Thanks for saying what some of us haven’t been brave enough to say although we think it.
PS…I will buy the shirt too. I’d like one though that says, “fuck the quilt police; just make YOUR quilt”.
Yes! Always so spot on! Love it!
I’m on the “just make the fucking quilt” T-shirt bandwagon, too!
I have been mulling over kindness, and the lack thereof in our society, a lot in the past few weeks. I am troubled by the fact that so many would rather video something than get involved, belittle someone’s efforts than taken a risk, and avoid generally being thoughtful, kind people. When did these things become okay?
Yesterday, I was at the courthouse for doing jury duty and there was a woman sitting on a bench with grand daughter. The granddaughter was probably around 5 or 6 months old,and looked like a little girl version of the kid from A Christmas Story,with all the layers and her arms sticking straight out. The little girl was blowing raspberries and laughing at herself. I stopped and commented how adorable she was and rushed to where I was supposed to be. I was only there momentarily because I was able to get a postponement. When I went back the woman was crossing in front of me with the baby. I stopped, said excuse me,and let her pass. She said, “Your the girl from a little while ago! Thank you for being so nice to us! ” It took me by surprise for a second. What did I do? Why is it what I did something she would feel inclined to thank me for?
We have a kindness initiative for the kids at school. We need to expand that to a world wide adult kindness initiative.
Nice article. I have often said, I’m not a feminist, I am a person. Please treat me as such.
My local quilt group is amazing and when we started we implemented the ‘no judgement’ rule and banned the snarky use of “that’s nice” when commenting on someone’s work. We need to support each other’s expression and use of this fabulous art form.
Mean girls suck.
bravo! hear, hear! I want a shirt too!
Hell Yes to the t-shirt! Bravo Maddie…. bravo!
Bravo! I too shunned the feminist label but no more! My goal as I have matured is to be myself and do what I want to do. I tired of living for others. I am me and it turns out I am a feminist. Thank you!
PS. I think BAQS shirts that say “Just make the fucking quilt” would be fabulous 😉
I’ve never loved you more. Fantastic article.
Can we pretty please have BAQS shirts that say “Just make the fucking quilt”